You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
