dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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