We won't sleep together?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
