i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
