woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
