Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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