You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
