gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
