I wish i was in the wii world.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
