She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
