Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
