dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
