Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
