i don't like sucking hair
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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