I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
