i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
