i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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