I want to make a zoo with you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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