You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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