I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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