My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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