why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
