How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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