i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
