i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
