I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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