If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
