I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
