how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
