I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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