I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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