You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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