I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
