You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
