You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Randomize
