I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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