Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You need Xanax blowdarts
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
