Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
