My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
