I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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