I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
PANTIES FOUND
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