Having a random hookup so left but love u
My hand turned me down
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
