Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
