I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
