apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She announced her abortion via fbk
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
