This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
accomplished twins. life is a go
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
