the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
