I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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