My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
