he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
