I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
