Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
