if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
