I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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