maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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