I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
