he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
