Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
